The Whatnot.

Hoop Earrings

Weekend at You

This was written for a class called “Bible for Students of Literature.”  It ended up being more like “Sit Around and Listen to a Brilliant Professor Read the Bible Boringly.”  In addition to the wisdom books of the Bible (Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Job), we read this book called “Consolation of Philosophy” by a 6th century philosopher dude called Boethius.  In it, Boethius is in prison waiting for the death penalty and lamenting his fate when he is visited by Lady Philosophy, who is much more Philosophy than Lady (or even human).  She uses rhetorical strategies and Neo-Platonic philosophical ideas that weren’t invented yet in the Old Testament days to convince Boethius that God can exist in a world where bad things happen to good people.  The assignment was to have Lady Philosophy come and visit Job.  I think it’s funny even if you’re not amazingly familiar with the Bible, but obviously it would help.  Somehow everyone was British in my head.

Eliphaz saw her first.  Bildad was embroiled in a long diatribe condemning Job for pretending to know something or other, and Job and Zophar were watching him intently, either nodding or shaking their head as they approved or disapproved each statement.  Eliphaz tapped Bildad on the shoulder and pointed out the window.

“You guys,” he said.  “I think there’s a personification of an abstract idea outside.”

“It’s not Death, is it?” Job said.  There was hope in his voice.

“No,” said the woman at the door.  “It is Philosophy.”

“Well, come on in I guess,” said Job.  “I would take your coat, but my house doesn’t have a roof or all four walls.  It’s more of a rubble pile than a house these days, actually.”  He gave a half-smile which cracked his brittle skin and caused him to wince.  “Have you come to yell at me, too?”

“No,” said Philosophy.  “I’ve come to Philosophize at you.”

“Well, go ahead,” Job said.  “These guys’ circular arguments are adding nausea to my list of maladies.”

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You’re probably wondering what I’ve been doing instead of posting about movies on this blog.  My last post was in May, and the last post that was worth a damn was part of a 2008-in-review series that I never actually ended up finishing.  I know this eats you up inside.  What could be so enthralling that it would divert my attention away from delivering to my adoring readers my honest  and insightful opinion on the latest releases and golden oldies?  I’m going to set aside the serious, unfunny answers to that line of questioning and just get straight to a couple of the joke answers.  Since we last corresponded, I packed up my shit and left dusty old Rancho Cucamonga and now reside in a town that people have actually heard of!  When I told my mom that I was going to move to Berkeley to live with my girlfriend and go to school, she was so happy that I had finally lived up to my potential and commended me on being accepted into Cal.  After I explained to her that I was actually going to be attending Cal State East Bay (a half hour South in Hayward), she still tried to pretend to be proud.  She’s a trooper, my mom.

So, the answer to the question of “What the hell do you do all day?” is pretty different in a lot of ways now.  Before, the obvious answer was “I watch movies and then post about my experiences in watching these movies on the internet, and then sometimes I watch movies and neglect to post about my experience on the internet and instead use that time to watch another movie.”

Now, I do these things:

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